Happy Autumn Equinox.
"Shed what you need. Grow in places you've feared. Stand tall in your glory. You are worthy sis. Love always find you. You are loved."
Fall is here and that concludes summer. This year has been the biggest learning experience. Over the last 10 months I've learned how important it is to conserve my energy for myself. Recycle the energy that's being put into others and pour it into yourself. Me to me.
I took a year and some time off to heal. During the time of this process I had recently lost my job + had to move out of my home of 3 years all in one month. There I was in the eye of the storm and not losing it like I thought I would be. It was then I started to trust the process and believe I was right where I needed to be. So I returned home. Home is my grand parents house, who both had passed almost two years prior in 2017. My family graciously let my cat Willy and I stay as I figured my shit out. I thought of it as a free residency in a place I already loved. I hadn't been in the house since their passing and I knew the experience was going to be art. I often look at all my transitions + transformations in life as art. Taking a pause was the best thing I could have done for me. Though it was tough, I would do everything all over again the way it happened the first time. I'm grateful for the experience because who knows, maybe I wouldn't have gotten to this place in my life so "quickly".
Love found me in many ways. During the same time, I found myself responding to the world the same way I had been for a long time; THAT PART was no longer serving me. Love made me see that I was not operating from the place I took so long to find within myself. Fear. I wasn't owning my glory because I was afraid to be someone different. Someone better than the version I was use to--yesterday. I needed to stop fearing that woman. Imposter syndrome has no home here. I am who I say I am and will walk it.
Though the relationship didn't last long, the relationship with myself felt more solid. The pain of that situation brought up many emotions for me and I needed to take a bath in them. It's a path I wouldn't have traveled on so soon had this person not showed up in my life. I'm grateful, especially because this is the last year of my 20's! My blind spots became so clear & familiar. Now I roam in & out of those spots decorating them with trust, personal values, love, and compassion. I've been giving my power away for too long to other people around me. It's time I step into my power and focus on my own shit.
I'm holding space for myself. I love me through these phases.
I hope someone can relate to my stories and know to never give up... trust you are exactly where you need to be.